I have to laugh today. The day begins positive and I think yeah I got this, I made it to the office. Little did I know all the disasters that would trouble and create my Monday Blues. It was absolute crap! The day was succumbed to endless issues, intolerant situations and I keep thinking who signed me up for this. It certainly is not like providing the punch table chaperone at the school dance. More Punch?
I felt like I just signed up for the army and they have you trying to scale the wall, crawling through the mud under the barbed wire course and instead of any type of actual manly equipment to protect yourself you are armed and dangerous, with a new bic pen, procedures and a voice? Picture it, I know you are getting a visual. Yes, that was me. I am bruised and scared from another Monday, but I endured. I flourished. I am alive. I didn’t give up.
Depressing hey? I couldn’t help it, I spent the day feeling at some point I would look in the mirror and see Donald Trump. My hair is better. Though he has more and constantly I could hear myself thinking who is that talking? I was unfiltered. I spend so much time really thinking and ensuring my communication to others is so politically correct and today nope, nada, nothing, zip. It was if all the years of holding everything back just spilled out in some way.
I kind of liked it. So now what. Tomorrow I go back to the analytical and reserved “The Thinker” look and personality or could I just adopt this for most days or take it out of my backpack when needed. Would that be too much?
The one thing I truly find now, is there is no rhyme or reason how you feel each day. One day you are depressed with PTSD, the next is like everything is great, the next you can’t handle people, unfiltered, irritable; the list goes on. It is challenging to explain.
So today if I use the listing of words they (the higher powers and therapists) use and a few of mine, I think today was a Hopeless Negative Isolated Rage Unfiltered Frustrated Startled Response day and tomorrow when others ask what happened yesterday I am practicing my little girl in the pig tail look, throwing her hands hands up saying “Don’t know!”
I made it home for a beer, not just any beer but a Guinness. Hallelujah!!!!! I am singing this at the top of my voice, or as Spook says more in my tone deaf voice. Who cares, she enjoyed her beer too.
Hmmm…maybe I should run for President.
“You can’t ride to the fair unless you get on the pony.” Cheryl Strayed (Love her quotes!)