I contemplated a lot last night what I was going to write. I have a wonderful story about the love of a couple I recently met. I thought about the happiness I am bringing back into my life. Then I thought about the strong emotion I saw in Mr. Jones face the other day, as he sees changes in me. I came back.
That triggered a thought, a stitch, one that even while I slept it would not let go. I woke up and had that a-ha moment of clarity when all these emotions and troubles popped themselves into a timeline and I could look back and say I now know what that was. It is becoming less of a hold on me.
But still in my head, all I see the other day, is me peeking up over my computer while I cried writing and Mr. Jones watching me intently. He says, ” you know you are healing when you keep letting it go like that.” I cried more.
Mr. Jones wrapped me in a big bear hug after I finished writing, tearing while he sang to me. I could feel so much in that hug and the words. The feelings he had about me. Scared, not sure what our future held, feeling relieved and seeing positive changes in me. I am so amazingly blessed that through all the shadows, he keeps pulling me back to him.
Isn’t that what true love is? One that gives you strength, a partnership, lifts you and still after all these years you have such an incredible connection of emotion. I can see many changes in him as well, since I, (more like we) began the “Bootcamp Therapy” we spend more time talking over music, like we did so many moons ago. Sharing thoughts, dreams and looking at it now as luminous time for us.
It is quite early but we like to get a start to the day now that it feels more like living than before. I snuck out to refill my coffee and to see what Mr. Jones is doing. He is reading in his chair. He loves to read and is quite the smarty pants. (Spook says don’t tell him or it will go to his head.) I find I too, spend more time just watching him. Realizing even more each day how much I love him and am filled with gratitude that he came into my life.
I leave you with J.R.R Tolkien’s quote. It resonated with me from the darkness, the nightmares and the challenges that I thought would break me. Yet somehow it didn’t. Was it because of the strength around me that I pulled from Mr. Jones or was it from love?
“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.” J.R.R. Tolkien