Broken Crayons

I am prepping and embarking on a work trip. I have not flown for quite a while and the last time I had a lot of anxiety issues and had to work hard at staying calm. I am praying that the course is good, and I do not have to take my compass out to get myself there or I will miss it, besides I’ve never been great with directions. I just point my broom and it is on autopilot and poof I am there.

I have packed my bags, and shockingly only a couple pairs of shoes, (ok three and one I am wearing.) Spook is angry with me as (due to my shoe collection) her options are to travel in the carry-on with my laptop and snacks or to stay home. She said she could fly herself there and meet me, but they are saying a storm is brewing. It could be a tad bumpy and I will still like the company she brings in my hotel room.

Even the thought of being away from Mr. Jones is making me unhappy. He is such a rock for me and I will greatly miss hugging him each day. On a side note: Mr. Jones says what is all that food for? My trip, so I do not have to buy on the way. How long are you gone for? Two days, three including travel time. Ok maybe there is a bit much, but I like my own stuff, nothing too fancy and simple.

Normally I feel indifferent, (that is the word I use) to be with quite a few people, but am starting to get excited and if I can deal with the flight I know there are some wonderful memories to make and friends to see. I am as well nervous to see them, as I do not know how I will be mentally while there and hoping my cup of crazy stays in the water bottle I brought with me.

When I say a touch of crazy I am referring to my life in the only way I can, with laughter and comic. I learned here while working with my therapist some ways that I seemed to function better. When I am quite down or stressed there are two things I have moved to doing.

The one is the biggest, OM or sigh ever; in my deepest voice, it pulls from the bottom of my stomach up and seems to relax my shoulders, head and body. The key to this is not just the deepness of the voice, but also the length on which I hold it and breathe out. It seems to work great, but try it in the grocery store or middle of the mall and people look at you funny. Then just respond with at least I didn’t fart. Laugh. run away (we are good with fight and flight response) and you are smooth sailing.

The second thing I have gone to doing is every time I have my self critic sitting on my shoulder yapping (more than Spook does) I have gone to start laughing crazy. Ok, Spook says to let you know its more of a witch cackle but once I do it a few times I start laughing at myself so hard and end up with the giggles. That sure feels better than the feeling of doom and gloom on any given day.

Follow both of these with a cocktail on the flight and I can hear it already over the plane intercom. “Good day passengers, due to a unruly passenger laughing, tooting and cackling we have decided it is best to take you all to safety.” Or, I could have some excellent flight attendants who are as comical, I am hoping for that version and an interesting demonstration of my seatbelt fastening.

Guess at this point there are no more secrets for me to keep. If you are on my flight I will apologize now, and should my crayons fall down on the plane floor while I am busy colouring away to stay calm (I am excited to use my new book!), please pass them back to me. Should one break, remember broken crayons still colour.

“Who am I you ask? I am made from all the people I’ve encountered and all the things I have experienced. Inside, I hold the laughter of my friends, the arguments with my parents, the chattering of young children, and the warmth from kind strangers. Inside, there are stitchings from cracked hearts, bitter words from heated arguments, music that gets me through, and emotions I cannot convey. I am made from all these people and moments. That is who I am.” Ming D. Liu

Keep laughing, love the rooting tooting cackling Woman in Process


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