It feels like a week since I wrote anything and my mind is so full and bursting with what I need to share. I completed my few days of work travelling and am home; home to Mr. Jones and his comfort, home to my two meows and their constant need for affection and attention, home to my comforting bed who wraps his arms around me so I can sleep in my own cloud. I am truly grateful.
The past few days have been tiring, exhilarating, emotional and satisfying. Now where to start? (As I stood in my shower with my new amazing chocolate soap this blog wrote itself, now to remember my thoughts. I should have dictated to Spook, but her computer typing ability is challenged.)
My body is bruised, physically challenged and I have these cankles and legs that do not look like mine. I swear someone on the plane changed theirs out with me while I was sleeping. They are tender, full of fluid and my mobility is a bit downhill. Oh well, this trip was worth it and in a week I will be running like the crazy mad woman I am!
Janine and the Mixtape, Dark Mind is playing in my ears (always fitting while I think); after the arrival for the first day and getting comfortable around everyone (in my mind: this is me standing in my prison cell rapping on the bars, shaking them), I spent the time really looking at each of them and their strengths and idiosyncrasies of what made them who they truly are. This, warmed my heart. I probably looked like I was staring a lot and yes (to those that looked at me funny, I apologize).
I did stare, but it was because I was admiring all their qualities for the first time (yet some, I have known for quite a while); their style, their expressive ways, their way of chatter, the way they would carry themselves. It was awesome and I wish I had the chance to write about each of them in their own blog as I was writing it in my head while watching them. (I may still do this one day.)
I also wish I could have gone to each of them and told them exactly what I was thinking and feeling, but this may have made them think I had too much to drink in the hospitality room. (I didn’t) I will remember for next time. I valued that evening, as tired as I was, I wanted to just be with them, get to know them more, knowing I would pay for a late night physically, I just didn’t want to miss out and have it on my regrets list.
The ones who’s eyes shared a full story of expression when they told you their story, or laughed. You could see it all. The ones who were nervous and felt shy, but soon began to bloom as they made friends, you could see their excitement. The ones who shared part of themselves with me; I am very blessed that you let me into your world (I love you), the ones who are so authentic to who they are and the ones who had such strength radiating from them. I adore you all!
To my fellow soul, who deals with so many work issues as I do, I saw the pain in your face when I was talking to you and I felt it in my chest. I knew that look so well, the one of trying to be strong yet inside its ripping you apart. I will ensure I make more effort to you, my friend; maybe it is time I let her into my funny farm, she may find solace there. (I had to hide in the bathroom for a few tears after this, ok I had to hide in the bathroom numerous times to get myself together this trip.)
I was truly blessed this trip with an honour that takes my breath away. The emotion I felt from it still makes me cry, as did the person who presented it and his kind and caring words. Your words gave me back another piece of my puzzle and I am very thankful for that, I wish I could tell you what it truly meant to me; one day I will. I realized even more that this is the direction and part of my legacy that I will work to achieve more of to leave behind a small element for a better world.
Each of these co-workers I will take something away from them. Whether it be how I approach an obstacle, how to speak on a subject or just what I learned from them, from their caring personalities. I bow down to each of you and as I sit here bawling like normal, I feel a new strength to keep me going and now I am out of Kleenex and will find a pair of socks I do not care for.
I was able to share a bit of me to a couple people and others I will slowly do that in my own way, as I value them so much and the only way I seem to let people in, is into my writing. So to the ones I finally have opened up to, welcome to my head 🙂 I always ask, please not to share my name, but should you think this may help someone then please share the site.
To those that hugged me and had kind words, thank you, you have no idea how it has helped. To those that helped me get across the country and had texts or emails from me while I travelled thanks for listening. To those that looked at me as if I still had things to say, I did, I just didn’t know how to say them without crying and to those that had the time for a little shoe shopping, Spook and I are jealous! “Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less , and smile a lot more”
“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Winnie the Pooh
As always, recognize your blessings around you, love from the cankled, compression wearing, exhausted, warm hearted, indebted Woman in Process.
P.S. I know you are wondering where the Clown came from in my title, from a co-worker’s awesome t-shirt!