Our short adventure was coming to an end and I asked Mr. Jones if we could make a stop. He wasn’t in for all the suggestions I had till I mentioned the book store. He always loves the opportunity for a new hard cover book; for him it’s better than a new car smell.
I was one of those people, Starbucks in hand in my reusable matching cup; I located a pull cart (ok I prefer to put my purse in it, so my hands are free and my purse is large) plus I did have books I was going to purchase to lug around.
As always I was listening to those around me and enjoyed in-unison excited cries of two young girls thrilled as their dad agreed to an adventure of purchasing some new fish. Something so small but made such an impact on them, a smile on the fathers face, and a giggle and smile from me. It made me warm, like a hug.
As I walked and touched all the books in awe of their covers, and the imagination of others, I knew I would end up in the health and well being section. It is as if some magnetic force pulls me to that section each time I enter a store or the spirits are directing me with their lighted traffic wands. This way madam, self help books to the left.
In my hand I have picked up another Robin Sharma book, opened it read one quote and off my mind went. “There are four dimensions of your authentic self to awaken so you can become whole once again: your mind, your body, your heart and your spirit. When you awaken these four dimensions, you will remember who you truly are.” Robin Sharma Daily Inspiration
Hmm, yes who am I? I put it in my cart and continue thinking of how wonderful the trip was, how I have been appreciating life more and enjoying family together and taking photos.
I have just recently started taking or allowing pictures to be taken of me. It has been months and I wasn’t ready to see the sadness in my face as I saw her in the mirror daily and then tried to make that as quick as I could and not look at her if at all, if it was possible. “Eyes like a shutter, mind like a lens.”
The look was one of haunting, one I have seen a few times and am hoping I can keep it away: dark eyes, no spunk in the skin, eyes, with no sparkle. I had seen this look years ago on another and commented that this person lives their life being haunted by the way his sister passed. I do not want to live like that and I feel sad for him. (His job makes him repeat the situation over and over, he is stuck in time, and until he doesn’t do the school presentations any more, that is where he will stay).
Moving forward in the words of Edna Mode, “I never look back darling, it distracts from the now.” Recently, I have bought some beautiful bright lipsticks. I have gone back to wearing make-up and catch myself looking in the mirror more just to smile, and check my Johnny Bravo hair. I am trying and if someone pays a compliment on my lipstick, then I know they do not see the other look I have at times and that is re-assuring. It is still there, but I work really hard each day to look at the positive and keep that locked up in Pandora’s box.
It might seem to others I am being vain but I think it is part of the journey; part of the journey to reunite to myself. Self discovery in all four areas, now to reflect how I am doing.
When I finally meet my authentic self again, I feel I need to ensure a very amazing Bravo style introduction to each other. May I introduce, old, stressed and chaotic Mrs. Jones (showing a picture) and here to my right is the new Mrs. Jones; yet I do not know what she looks like, but am assuming she is wearing bright lipstick and a smile.
“If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack.” Coco Chanel
Love always from the bright lipstick wearing, is it on my teeth, picture taking, Johnny Bravo haired, Woman in Process.