Mr. Jones was heading out to pick up groceries for us. I decided I would try and go with him. With my Paddington Bear hat on I feel safer and hidden some, as we get lost in the thousands of feet occupied with so many bodies; pushing and shoving their carts around and some not being respectful of anyone around them.
A little girl is standing in the rice aisle, in the centre holding a stuffed cat and is staring at me as I walk down the aisle. She doesn’t move and keeps looking at me up and down, the look of innocence trying to comprehend what is taking place. Her mother is embarrassed and is trying to get her to move as I walk past with my cane.
A child so innocent doesn’t bother me, she is trying to do the math; trying to figure out why I walk on a cane and what is wrong with me. As we round another aisle she sees me again, I hear her commenting. “I seen that lady before.” Her mother is still trying to get her to stop watching me.
She is okay and it comes back to other people in the store that I really get the looks from. Mr. Jones asked is it because I am self conscious about the cane, that you see others looking. I said watch them. It was an exercise I did a little while ago with someone else and I said to see how people treat me differently.
Some were exasperated that it took me a few seconds more to walk and were trying to ram their cart past in a huff; some tried to stay out of my way and apologized numerous times; some people would stare and not even realize they did it, until they see I have a tendency to look back just as long; it makes them squeamish; then become flustered, embarrassed they did it.
It is the moment that comes so often when all you want to do is scream at the top of my lungs, “Yes I am this good looking!” Maybe they would not stare so much and I would get a giggle. So instead I prepared myself; I ensured I had my raspberry lipstick on, tried to hold myself a little taller and walk past as if my cane was just another accessory to the complete ensemble I chose.
“I am not fearful from what I see and experience, I am grateful as I understand.” Spooktacular Witch
I was reading an email this morning before I crawled out of my warm and heavy comforters, and it said “Be Still and See” (Thich Nhat Hahn). Today that will be what I work on. Wise words from this Monk. I believe I will have to go and locate his book and I know this will be in the flashing sign area of self help saying, “This way Mrs. Jones.”
I wish you a blessed day of observations, studies and arousing your curiosity. I am counting down the minutes until I get into my massage therapist, mind you she has a hard task ahead of her today; so to assist I figured a glass of wine may help the muscles relax. Ok maybe it is a large glass 🙂
“She looked back and marveled how far she had come… she didn’t wonder how she made it…she already knew the answer. Only with God’s help had she powered through. For without his strength she could do nothing.”
Love always from the raspberry lipstick wearing, grocery shopping, staring, self learning, Woman in Process