You slowly build speed, moving up to the top before you plunge to the bottom and shoot back into the air. The roller coaster is built for speed, excitement and thrill. My world feels the same as the coaster, only catch I dislike them so, they scare the pants off me, I prefer the thrill of finding there is more money in my account than I thought.
The world of someone dealing with MS is the same. Unknown situations, changing all the time, the same way a Six Flag coaster is working to scare you so does MS. (I am strong, keep saying it.)
It takes over; mind of it’s own. Today it is one issue, tomorrow a completely different one. So here are my tidbits on it. (Just about 16 years, I learned a few things.)
Last Friday I didn’t stand or walk, body stops functioning, inside and out. When someone says a person passed from MS, it is that their organs failed because they shut down, and failure comes from complications associated to MS.
It is not one item that can get you, it could be multiple combinations, the body stops functioning as a whole. Just like clicking a light switch on and it doesn’t work; this is what living with MS is like. You are thinking come on turn on!
It was the end of the day; still on my cane, as the spasming in the abs continue (picture a six pack that I wish I had) and the back becomes daunting, but I can feel other issues taking place daily. There is not enough movement, not enough to keep my appetite well, my bowels functioning (most people don’t want to talk of this stuff but let’s be realistic its important) the stomach and intestines hurt, the body feels sick.
I have said I am exceptionally stubborn, I think it is more of a will to live, that is the feelings. Once home I slide down the stairs, (relive your childhood days), and go down the stairs on your butt if need be.
(Don’t think about going up yet) I keep a clean hamper of workout wear in the basement with the gym, this way it is easy access. I also use a band around my mid area, this ensure everything stays in the right spot and assists with the spasming. Shoes on, hooked to the treadmill I hang on and turn the machine one.
Quasimodo is still how I look, head is down, but I work at just getting one foot in front of the other. My body needs movement and then some stretching. I am blessed to have all kinds of equipment in the basement and it was so I didn’t have to try and go somewhere after work as I am normally too tired.
Monitoring watch is on to watch my heart (yes, I have issues there too) the first few steps as I am hanging on I am thinking, crap I am going to fall off. I hold tighter to the bars, and keep going. It is about ten minutes in, my toes are numb and as usual I am crying, yup I can do this, I got this.
Did I try hanging on and do a small run for a few minutes? Of course I did, did I fall? Nope I was good, right leg dragging, heels dropping I try to adjust and keep it moving. I am determined.
Once I completed my time, I slide off the machine, still hunched. Mr. Jones has kept checking on me to make sure I am not laying face first or as one of my most graceful moves you fall over like a cartoon character sideways (it just hurts more than a cartoon). He is Mr. Wonderful.
I have said before that the core is one item I am very thankful I have been building at strengthening. I make a slow move to the reformer I have. Lay down and let my body weight help in stretching me. I work at just holding poses, no big movements, I cannot do any more today.
Nothing major and then roll off; crawl up the stairs, (like I was a toddler) and I may be moving like an old woman but I did it; that is the main thing. I am fist pumping the air, (ok more of directly in front of me.)
Keep the body moving even if it is small. I hit the hot shower and try to stretch some in it (unique yoga poses); Mr. Jones has made dinner and I am now working on the swallowing (ok choking my food, as my throat goes too) following with the wine for the medicinal purpose of the pains (good excuse and it helps), but it is better than what I have been feeling like.
My roller coaster of the MS and the PTSD is feeling like I am heading back up, maybe the rush of that first loop is over and I am on the other side, I hope.
I know sometimes I have an excuse why I cannot go places or do things, due to the two items taking a beating on my body and mind, (my favourite is my cat is sick) but be patient with me.
Sometimes the physical you see may not be everything, and the tricks my mind creates can challenge me to the brink of thinking I will hit the loop and just keep spinning. (Well that is bad for my vertigo, no Six Flags for me.)
“Today though I shall still be witty, charming and elegant… or maybe I’ll say “um” a lot and trip over things.”
P.S Tonight I sat looking at a word, had no idea how to spell it and spellcheck couldn’t figure me out. Yup I am laughing, my mind says I don’t get it, yet I normally know, at least today I knew my name!
Love always from the tripping, determined, pooping Woman in Process