My days normally begin and end with me deejaying my evening of music or singing in the shower in the morning (usually Hotel California and it goes from there); but most times more with a heavy compilation of old heavy metal. It has been a struggle lately to write, as I cannot seem to put my thoughts together.
I was thinking of where life is taking me lately. What are the lessons I am learning? Why has the MS kicked me in the gut again, fairly hard? I was talking to a friend last night and asked was the post too much? She commented it’s raw and real; it is many of our lives.
As usual my mind is continuously working, analyzing and trying to figure me out. No manual was included apparently, and I didn’t find one on Ebay. I ponder all the things I do to deal with the ups and downs, as I am spinning down the rabbit hole.
“I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.” Lewis Carrol
It keeps coming back to one thing; I aim to laugh and I laugh hard. Years ago Mr. Jones would go to the fridge and find my socks in it and go to the cupboard and find his milk.
I couldn’t remember where things went, (I still find items and say oh there it is. I have been looking for a few items for a long time!) I would turn the sink on and I forgot about it till I was walking in the water and was wondering what was going on, who turned that on? (Thank goodness that one wasn’t too often.)
My memory has failed many times and has had its wires crossed; short circuiting when I am not myself. The times that those things were happening I would of course cry; I may be embarrassed and frustrated by the fact that I had no control, defeated; then my sarcasm would come out, on how silly I was and opted to learn to crack jokes to make myself feel better.
Through the years, I learned that if I breathed and realized the world was not going to end because I misplaced something it made it better and I began to be able to laugh quicker at myself and more often. I just shake my head at the list of crazy things I have done and now, I have some very funny stories I share. (I prefer only the funny ones.)
I found that in the beginning years of diagnosis was more challenging. It could be from it taking over so fast in my body, but as I grew older, I still have the same issues, but not all at the same time; either that or you become more adapted to it, adjusted to what I do to help myself; seasoned.
“I came. I saw. I made it awkward.” This should be my motto.
The house is labelled (I am a label geek and have a large labeller, it is so awesome) and all items go to the same area; this way I automatically go to the same spot like I trained myself, this has helped substantially.
I even had labels on all the items in the house when I was practising my Russian, Mr. Jones was like what is with all these labels? I’m studying.
My closet is colour coded and organized, so I can easily find my items. My shoes all boxed in window boxes with their names showing; hello my Lola’s. Some days when I find an item I forgot I had, it is like Christmas! I wear it constantly. (It is washed in between.)
Comic books (Archie and cartoon books) are in abundance in the house for the days when I really cannot think but want something to do and if need be, I can look at the pictures and know the story. (I love the comic store!!! I am such a geek, I may have a collection of some, just saying.)
Numerous colouring books are always a welcomed task and who can resist the smelly markers? I spend more time smelling them and apparently there are now new flavours. I mentioned it to Mr. Jones that I need to get me some of those. He just laughs and shakes his head.
I relish in watching a movie; having popcorn or reading, even if maybe I have read or seen it twenty times. I pretend it is always the first (in my head, it is) and just be excited for the opening credits. It reminds me of waiting for a movie to make it to television on the two channels we had. Sometimes that is the magic; warm the blanket in the dryer and snuggle in for a good belly laughing movie. (Pink Panther ones are a highlight for me & Spook’s are Halloween Town, anything witchy for her.)
I must share an ultimate favourite, the KDP nights we enjoy; an evening of visiting, laughing and dancing in the kitchen while we cooked; the Kitchen Dance Party. With Little Miss gone, they are not as often, but always take place when she is home and sometimes on Facetime.
Some days I just sit in the window and look out, doing nothing; I am okay with that as really I am doing more than I think as I am allowing myself to be; just be me, maybe I am just like Alice, a wildflower.
The days lately have been fairly packed and challenging at the same time and I am looking forward to a little down time to regroup. I want to sit with my cat in the window, listen to my music, absorb the sun, and just be grateful for those moments and all the memories.
Today I leave you with a bit of my crazy, I am constantly coming up with odd and quirky challenges at work, to reward for sometimes some very dull tasks. I treat it as a game show, should they complete their task. Let’s say its a small cute prize, duct tape is involved, a funny photo and an adventure. Let your imagination go wild!
“Alice: How long is forever? White Rabbit: Sometimes, just one second.” Lewis Carrol
Love always from the comic collecting, wildflower, KDP dancer, Woman in Process