From Behind the Curtain

The cat was yodelling this morning, time to get up, but the house is still exceptionally quiet. I have snuck out to the living room, made my coffee, brought Miss Mew in her bucket and snuggle into the recliner. All we hear is the sound of the heater kicking in; it is peaceful, full of endless possibilities.

My heart is still heavy from the passing of my aunt, but I also feel as if I am becoming human again, my mind and heart are connecting.

“The rhythm of the body, the melody of the mind and the harmony of the soul create the symphony of life.” B.K.S. Iyengar

I look across the room and there is one of my prized possessions a photograph of my two grandmothers and my daughter when she was a baby. I love it so, and find myself talking to it on days; days when I need strength.

Today I know they are chatting up a storm in heaven with my aunt and I hope that the may speak to me throughout the day, my music is in my ears, I am listening.  My thoughts are distracted as kitty is looking for attention, paws in air.

Last night we enjoyed a home cooked gourmet meal and lengthy conversation. You would think we would run out of things to say, but we don’t. We talk of life, childhoods, my aunt, her paintings, their meanings and the future.

Mr. Jones has taken a liking to my painting of my crow (he says it is a Raven as he is fluffy and fat, not sleek), I explain to him he is not quite done; the question is when do you decide it is really finished? Will I continue to adapt and change him, perfect his image as I see myself? He may be one of many, a series, of how the Raven is really me; an unkindness of one.

He talks of childhood memories of himself losing himself in the woods watching the tricksters communicate to each other, playing with each other and is in fascination of them. He as well learned and studied ants, they too became an obsession of his, the community they built, together. I will paint a picture of ants for him; my brain starts designing.

As we talk I tell him how scared I am of an upcoming event I said yes to, but also I am excited and nervous. I was talking to a friend and she had a wonderful suggestion, it could be time for Spook to peak out more from behind the curtain; my brain is now focusing on it all, letting my thoughts develop.

How will I speak? What parts of it all should I speak on? If I get emotional how will I handle it? I have ideas. When I begin speaking on something challenging at some point I switch into my auto pilot work mode that has saved me over all my obstacles. I can get through it and take care of the issue and then I melt down into a pile of ghostbusters goo in private.

I have told a few more people what took place with me and I got the standard reaction, their mouths drop open. Shocked they compose themselves and tell me they were just worried that I was okay but had no idea what was happening. I hid it well.

I answer the main question, and put the info out there; I can see you are shocked, she tries to respond, I said even the strongest have an Achilles heal at one point and it just caught up to me; another friend calls it my kryptonite.

Each of us has it; each of us truly have the power of a superhero. Many may not see it, but each of us was gifted, we all need to reflect and locate it, focus it, use it.

“There is a superhero inside all of us, we just need the courage to put the cape on.” Unknown

Mr. Jones tells me last night the same thing; for some reason I feel everything around me very deeply, I have a deep reserve of empathy. I will believe it is a gift and my superpower; now to put the superpower to good use. How do you do that?

I think I have been finding my way and working on how to not absorb all the energy circling around me. I practice focus, stillness and look at one object, blind by what is taking place in the area. To assist at times when the anxiety kicks in, my earphones are dug out, placed in my ears and the sounds of Tchaikovsky fill them; my heart slows its beatings my blood pressure lowers.

“The joy of giving is the greatest joy of life.”

One of the most important aspects I feel is to use my superpower for is volunteering. If you can share a little bit of yourself to give to someone else, then that may be your power.

“Know your powers. The power of your words, your silence, your mind, your body language and your body itself.” Sonya Teclai

Maybe you are excellent at raising money for causes, maybe you enjoy conversing and are a great listener, maybe you are fun loving and enjoy a game of strategy; these are all superpowers. Superpowers are meant to be shared; true superheroes may hide in plain sight.

Well tonight I better get to my chores, my cape needs to be washed and hung to dry for the morning.

“No, I’m not insulted at all when people call me sensitive. Feeling things deeply is my super power. I’m an empathetic badass.”

Love always the cape wearing, empathetic badass, Woman in Process


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