The swirling moment in a room of the constant chatter and discussion was good, the energy was welcoming and positive, ideas were flowing and you could see the reception it welcomed to everyone.
It changed in one moment, for me. I have been trying not too absorb all the energy around me, unless it is good; today it was as if a tornado hit the area or the flight was experiencing huge turbulence. I began to feel as if I was going down; weak.
The emotion began to take over like a tidal wave. First it began with my lips, they began to go numb, then my tongue, and it began to raise up my face, the cheeks, the eyes. I do not know it anyone else felt it. It took me about twenty minutes to bring myself back and I wasn’t the same till later in the afternoon.
I recognized it the moment it began, and am hoping I can stop it in its tracks the next time at the very moment. I began to tap my pen, concentrate, and try to focus on my breathing. I was thankful the person moved on to another location; she was too extreme for me, she activated my fight or flight button.
Someone who does not listen to anyone else, or acknowledges what they say; more interested in hearing their own voice. I make a mental note and remind myself always to listen, be kind. A friend said to me today, (as I am working hard on paying attention); we were given two ears to listen and only one mouth. I need that in a lapel pin.
I thank the powers that be, that my loose lips, or unfiltered voice was not activated at that moment. I understand our differences, I just need to walk away at times; I am not afraid, just being brave.
Sometimes the people I meet may be the Monsters in my thoughts, or the wolf in sheep’s clothing. I base so much on my instinct and my focus to listen, to let it guide me. Throw my hands up and watch for the signs that keep lighting up the sky on a dark night, as the stars begin shooting.
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” Oscar Wilde
I understand why the person stole my energy today and was glad I was able to rein it in and pull back, fight it. This afternoon I had the exact opposite, I was still feeling drained, and a bit lifeless, forcing myself to be more up than I was.
I order my coffee and start chatting with the lovely lady, she was energetic, full of life, caring, not because she had to be and we discussed purses for a while. I notice I perk up a bit more, I started to come back faster, it was if she could feel I needed that boost; she loaned me her energy.
I thanked her and to her she probably has no idea what she did. She was the sheep, calm and content and I was able to move on after that to my focus with a coffee with a friend; my blockage became cleared.
I reflect back on the day and laugh at the horoscope I see in my email: of bringing a sense of stability to my ever-fluctuation emotions. Hmm someone is in my head and notice my quote for the day: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” Brene Brown
It immediately triggers such thoughts as this journey feels, like a tug a war at times, I am up, I am down, I am creative, I am open.
I turn the music on, and begin to sing to my cat at the top of voice. Sarah is in full form; I aim to put the day behind me, release the last of my thoughts, the last of the emotion and be braver for the next day. Monster spray is now in my purse.
“Nothing’s more important than having the bravery to live your life.” Robin Sharma
Love always the replenishing, scared of monsters, looking for sheep, Woman in Process