Our Safety

Our safety was rattled tonight as I stood in the rain waiting for my pup to do her thing, laughing at her as she stood under the rain coming off the garage and trying to catch it. She was hilarious. Jumping, diving at it, trying to catch it.

In an instant my world changed, within seconds of laughing at the pup and enjoying I heard the sounds I dread; a gunshot has gone off and I am moving quickly.

Instantly I merge into work mode and make the calls, seconds later I secure the house; as I shake and sit down with my dinner and glass of red wine to wait for the police call to come.

I can’t stop thinking, this is where my worlds collide, I struggle in this, someone somewhere needs help, and no one knows where. I pray that they find out what is happening.

I bought this house eighteen years ago, called my husband who was up north working and said I am buying a house. He says don’t I get to look at it? I said if you make it home tomorrow.

He loved it, it had a unique layout, plenty of space for us, character, a large lot and people that have lived in the area for years.

Tonight, it changed, it changed because as beautiful as everything and the area can be, something is going on or someone is hurting.

It makes me sad. A week ago my neighbor passed. I called him and his wife my “Up” couple, we watched them walk up and down the streets, cruising by in their vehicle and gardening.

Both have left this world, and I was sad I didn’t make more of an effort to get to know them. I was working, I was running children around, I was busy, I am sorry.

I would stand in the front window watching them, their love, their caring, not letting them see me as I peeked out the window like Gladys Kravitz.

I tried to hide a lot when my MS really kicked in. I didn’t want people to see me like that or remember me in a way that I don’t see as me.

It makes me want to go to the seniors home and find a friend; someone who needs time to play cards, someone who is left with no one, I want to give my time to them.

Years ago we worked on a development of a project but it didn’t go anywhere, I wish it did. So many people need others and we forget them, I need to make a change when I come back.

I think this triggered another calling inside me; I am in the making of a plan. I will let you know how it develops.

My emotions at full force, I think another glass of wine is in order. Be safe, live well and know there are other options to be free.

“Gratitude is peace.” Anne Lamott

Love always the scared, fast heart beating, Woman in Process

 

 

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