Monthly Archives: April 2016

Spring Rain

The rain just keeps coming down. It started last night and it feels cool, but the smell is breathtaking.

It is a combination of fresh cut grass and the smell of a greenhouse in the growing season; blooming foliage.

Everything around us is getting a well needed drink and we are enjoying the weather compared to the spring snow storms we seem to suffer from.

It is a warm feeling even with the cool drops falling from an overcast sky of grey. Umbrellas seen everywhere, this is something I am not use to; gumboots, raincoats and more.

Most times when it rains at home, you see the occasional person that has an umbrella, the rest make a run for the truck, and jump in thinking whew I made it, soaked and drenched to the bone; shaking.

I wonder are we too honky to use an umbrella? I have to laugh, thinking of my lovely family. Sometimes I think I am too honky. (Aka, northern country folk, also referred to as Redneck). I stand out in a city here.

Today’s adventures were to see what others were enjoying. The past few days of racking up the kilometres on my Fitbit, thinking I think I can over and over as I trudge up the hills of hell, with glutes screaming their own high pitched G6 opera; simple is a wonderful option for the day.

A saunter or swagger is the move I adopt, as I venture indoors to stay dry and let us admit the real reason; to check out the American style food court, wondering what some of these chains are and what I can try? Of course I would like to!

I watched couples with children playing games to keep them entertained and not bored. The lovely lady was playing Simon says wearing the same glasses my sister did in the 70’s, plastic, large, thick; they are making a comeback. I think of all her school pictures over the years.

I watch people with colourful bags in hand going from store to store, I have no idea what they are holding, but am giddy to find out; I just want to see it all.

I rode every escalator, in every store and took pictures from the top of the shopping mall as people looked on wondering why I was photographing it. Even this building had an old charm and character vibe that I do not see at home, it is unique.

I make a point to speak to a few individuals as I looked around and ran my errands. One of today’s items in my creation list I store in my head each day; was to remind people how beautiful they are.

I took advantage of the opportunity to compliment a few people on what they were wearing or their style; smiles lit up the room as if it was the fireworks on New Year’s Eve. You could see them feather out like a peacock, chest out, standing taller.

It made their day and mine. As I was hiking the streets umbrella in hand, smiling and receiving hellos and nods; I saw the most beautiful woman that I needed to compliment. Her smile was a beakon of hope of things I thought lost. She was a lighthouse at that moment.

Shocked that I complimented her, she looked even more beautiful than before. I am sure she will pass it on to someone as her day progresses.

It might seem random to some to compliment strangers, but feel that for each of us to help create more unity, caring and sharing; maybe a compliment is the starting spot.

Each beautiful person I met, I will remember their names and thanked them for their time, each one has a small spot in my heart, as I continue to stitch it back together from its patch worked version.

Today I ask you; did you compliment or say something wonderful to another person that lit up their heart? If not, I challenge you to do so.

Our love for each other with compassion and caring could make this world so much better.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, a honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Leo Buscaglia

Love always the complimenting, compassionate, honky, Woman in Process

P.S I received a pretty awesome compliment myself today. It made me feel beautiful, so thank you to the rocking lady with the tan wedges.

 

 

 

Imagination Sensation

A group of students decked out in their plaid school uniforms have just reviewed the Disney museum; most are quite young.

They have chosen their picnic spot to enjoy their lunch on the bright green grass of a imaginative storyteller. Most recognizing Disney as the park or movies; to me he is more.

As a child growing up the Sunday night edition of Disney at six was the time of absolute mind blowing imaginations. The world was never the same, there were options, there was opportunity.

During my grandparents senior years they had the opportunity to go to the park and were amazed; this was a sign of creative freedom, potential for our new generations. He was paving the way of so many.

During our years, as farmers, there was no money for something as a trip on an airplane to see this place, so many spoke of.

It had the potential to stop you from reaching your destination; for me I kept dreaming and didn’t give up hope. I would make it one day.

Years had passed, friends had gone numerous times and I dreamed of seeing something so beautiful, something that let me be the kid that is so buried deep down inside.

I could hang my hat up on who I was and be free, be who ever I chose to be. Be the child inside me that needed to be released and be the dreamer and creative visionary of what path could be next.

I will never forget that magical moment in the gates, and as the senior gentleman told me of his first day there on the bus, when the park originally opened, he made it even more special for me. He made it a perfect moment. I still tear thinking of his emotion as he shared.

Before my adventure to this icon’s life, this morning, I had the opportunity to watch a session from the conference little one is at. He too, speaks of creative, emotional attachment and the creation of human need and bond; another visionary.

I enjoyed it greatly and am so proud of the avenue my daughter has chosen. She is one talented and gifted writer so I know she will be inspiring in her career but also a great humanitarian. She has a destiny.

The smell of honeysuckle and lilacs keep taking my breath away and I smile remembering the hedges that bloomed so well on the farm. When the wind would blow the correct way you could smell them in the house.

My adventures have been wonderful, from getting lost more than once, sharing conversation and a meal on a bench with two lovely ladies and taking in the beautiful sites.

I am quite grateful for the experiences so far. It has been memorable and eye opening in ways I cannot describe yet; the path is becoming clearer.

With the great Canadian farmer tan, I now have and the rest of my skin, an opulence white, I am thinking a beautiful walk down the sidewalks of this tranquil neighbourhood is perfect event after my Mickey sandwich.

I had to do Walt proud and shared some bread with my fellow stalkers, pictured above. I am disappointed I never brought my ears to wear but my Mickey Fedora was perfect anyways.

Now to another path and see where it winds to.

“Happiness is a state of mind, its just according to the way you look at things.” Walt Disney

Love always the Disney loving, pier walking, Woman in Process

 

 

Re-Reading

Its probably time to look back on the past few months and start seeing what I have written. I haven’t yet, I think two posts are all I read, cried and that was it. Sometimes it still puts a lump into my throat.

I know one of the items is to review where I am and what next? I just watch; people wandering around the great big airport and me in my own world; watching.

Curious to where they are all going, what is their adventure, is it fun or only work related? How many of them are coming back from getting married or leaving as I watch a lady carrying her wedding gown?

I see a little baby, she has her helmet on and I remember the ones that were painted as aviator hats, something beautiful for a time that is challenging for the families. The smiles and laughter you hear are grand.

I love to see everyone walking by; their style and fashion sense, the Sam Elliot moustaches, those that look like they can’t even drag the luggage on the floor because they packed too much.

I am impatient, waiting for my baby girl to arrive. Hurry up mama needs a hug! I know her, she will have grand plans of things to do and see in between her conference; my walking shoes are packed. I am looking forward to wandering the streets and just being; embracing.

Out first evening we went to a beautiful Italian restaurant. The food amazing and enjoyed our chit chat to catch up with each other. Our waiter, I am thinking how to describe him; my first comments were I adored him. He was a lovely older man and we spent some time chatting about life and relationships.

At first he did not realize monkey was my daughter but said he could see this close connection; we expressed how close we are. Little one and I, function amazing together, we laugh, we talk about anything and now with this burden on me, our discussions have evolved.

When the man spoke you could feel his kindness, and know it was not an act. In our conversing he remarks about someone he loves, and we chat destiny and signs. He looks at me and says you get it.

The worlds energy and frequency, is like dipping a toe in water to make a ripple, I believe we cross paths of those we need to meet. He was one, and after some thinking believe it was to jump start my process again on this trip.

I have never been to San Franscisco before, so am really excited to see what develops on this journey. The journey is not just the sites I see, but the feelings and emotions I have; learning to grow with them and reminding myself to shut off the work mode and this opportunity is for me time.

In the years to come, one of my goals is to always be able to travel with my girl and experience adventures, ones that when I am old, grey (Spook says that is now), that we laugh about the things we did and the things we saw; not to mention the incredible people we meet.

As we walk to the destination for her, I am watching all those that are struggling, mentally, financially and emotionally. Little one is watching me and knows me well, she says, “Mama, you can’t save them all.”

“I know, but if the powers tell me to help that specific person, there is a reason and I will, I have to.”

She knows my heart bursts when we travel on what we see; sometimes the emotions of seeing it all is too much but I keep working on embracing them.

As I sit here tearing up, I look at the fruit I have in the room and will ensure that I have it with me. You never know who you can share a piece of fruit with, meet and have a conversation with.

Here are to new adventures and heart sharing.

“Your job is not to judge, your job is not to figure out if someone deserves something. Your job is to lift the fallen,to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting.” Unknown

Love always the bursting, heart gets too big, listening, Woman in Process

 

 

 

Powering Off

The power is out, it’s black, the only sound in the distance is the clicking of the clock. It is peaceful. No humming, no sound, just the sound of time passing by.

I remember as a kid the power going out quite often. It was scary when I was by myself. I shook, I wished for it to come back on; now I relish in it. I like to hear nothing and wish at some point there was a button to shut it all down, only silence.

Take the moments and savour them, as the clock is telling me, I am another minute older, five, ten or an hour has just passed; I can surely see the difference in my pup more than me.

She is outgrowing the pudgy puppy stage, she is getting leaner, colours are changing, more alert, and I swear each time I look at her she looks different, more mature, her head is bigger.

In the distance you can hear the sirens begin, the sounds of someone’s night changing to bad and I sit here thinking and wondering about my own life.

I have started spending my time looking at every avenue; do I really need satellite? Do I need to have 3G on my iPad? When is it time to move to a cabin and be one with nature. My head is full.

Tomorrow, I take a summer Paddington Bear hat and head on an adventure, unfortunately my pup stays behind, but I have an adventure with my girl. I am so looking forward to it and getting to see her.

Mr. Jones has taken time off to stay with the pup and work with her. She is loving the time they are spending together and you can see the bond growing; plus she now knows where the treat drawer is. He is a sucker for that sad, wrinkled up face.

Homemade dog cookies are prepped for her along with some fun snacks and I told Mr. Jones don’t forget to take the photo of her every day! I don’t want to miss anything.

We plan on putting together all her photos of her growth, it will help me remember to see them; when my brain has a tendency of forgetting.

My nerves have got me a bit and I hear Spook dragging her suitcase down the hall. She is not being left behind and is wearing the biggest sunhat I have ever seen. Wonder if they will think that is her carry on?

She is ready to explore, spend some time with me and help me focus on some needs and thoughts that are brewing. Review where I am emotionally and where maybe I seem to have stopped seeing growth.

I believe at times that is also due to the busyness of life. Sometimes there is not enough time to focus and that is not good for me anymore. As the pup grows she needs less from me in some ways as we watch her independence, I still need her.

She loves the big bed and crawls in to just relax, so we are seeing the time where we can just hang there if needed and of course the park is always an option to watch the birds. She is in awe of them.

She is amazingly fast, yet those awkward movements at times and a tumble do take place. I would like to introduce her to my painting room, but for some reason I am picturing her popping all the tubes of paint open; that is its own painting for sure. I can’t help but giggle.

The airport is starting to get busier, headphones on, my colouring in my bag. I am prepped and starting to embrace my new realities. I got this, my daily motto.

As I teared up saying goodbye to my Smushy faced pup, I think of her chasing the leaves in the yard. So for her; don’t forget to look for adventures under each leaf and behind each tree. You never know where they will find you.

“Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice…some girls are made of adventure and wine and all things fine.” Unknown

Love always, a new adventure and moments to embrace, Woman in Process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Safety

Our safety was rattled tonight as I stood in the rain waiting for my pup to do her thing, laughing at her as she stood under the rain coming off the garage and trying to catch it. She was hilarious. Jumping, diving at it, trying to catch it.

In an instant my world changed, within seconds of laughing at the pup and enjoying I heard the sounds I dread; a gunshot has gone off and I am moving quickly.

Instantly I merge into work mode and make the calls, seconds later I secure the house; as I shake and sit down with my dinner and glass of red wine to wait for the police call to come.

I can’t stop thinking, this is where my worlds collide, I struggle in this, someone somewhere needs help, and no one knows where. I pray that they find out what is happening.

I bought this house eighteen years ago, called my husband who was up north working and said I am buying a house. He says don’t I get to look at it? I said if you make it home tomorrow.

He loved it, it had a unique layout, plenty of space for us, character, a large lot and people that have lived in the area for years.

Tonight, it changed, it changed because as beautiful as everything and the area can be, something is going on or someone is hurting.

It makes me sad. A week ago my neighbor passed. I called him and his wife my “Up” couple, we watched them walk up and down the streets, cruising by in their vehicle and gardening.

Both have left this world, and I was sad I didn’t make more of an effort to get to know them. I was working, I was running children around, I was busy, I am sorry.

I would stand in the front window watching them, their love, their caring, not letting them see me as I peeked out the window like Gladys Kravitz.

I tried to hide a lot when my MS really kicked in. I didn’t want people to see me like that or remember me in a way that I don’t see as me.

It makes me want to go to the seniors home and find a friend; someone who needs time to play cards, someone who is left with no one, I want to give my time to them.

Years ago we worked on a development of a project but it didn’t go anywhere, I wish it did. So many people need others and we forget them, I need to make a change when I come back.

I think this triggered another calling inside me; I am in the making of a plan. I will let you know how it develops.

My emotions at full force, I think another glass of wine is in order. Be safe, live well and know there are other options to be free.

“Gratitude is peace.” Anne Lamott

Love always the scared, fast heart beating, Woman in Process

 

 

The Yellow Tennis Ball

The west wind continues to make the trees sway and bend. Her ears flapping against it as she runs, and jumps and dive at the leaves.

The backyard is finally drying up and the pups first major adventure checking every area out has begun.

The smells along the grass, the barking of dogs in the distance, she is wild and running like crazy, wondering what this new place is, is this all hers?

The old fence still stands, it has housed so many, as they play, jump, skip and chase the ball. As we begin to rake, there buried is one old yellow tennis ball; off coloured, shrivelled, but still ready to begin the game. The signal that at one time two young pups lived full lives here.

Mr. Jones gets emotional, a tear in his eye as he says “Look what I found.”

I begin to cry, that loss never seems to leave us, they were there for so long, for so many tears, laughs and howls in the house; one of them trying to out do the other, with Mr. Jones chiming in and egging the pack on. Each of them them pretending they are the pack leader, but the one with two legs commanded their attention.

We chase her, we laugh, we cry, we feel like something has been missing and as much as she performs her jaws show or her moments of Stitch, she is going to be one amazing dog.

At ten weeks, we have seen her intelligence at a regular occurrence, her look, the calculation, the understanding.

I mention to Mr. Jones how stressful the past few weeks have been with work, and I let him in, once more to my world, the one that holds me hostage as if I am jumping from the plane no parachute intact.  I wonder how many times can I jump and survive?

I need simple, laughter and less issues in my world, this may signal that I may have to evaluate my role and see what opportunities are waiting in the distance for me, as I begin to see how much more my life needs this.

The Angels have regularly been pointing things out to me, and I feel comforted knowing they are there, holding me up as I feel myself begin to crumble from the weight.

Spring is underway, melting is about complete and my goal is to meet the new challenges head on or under my umbrella, open as I feel myself closing up again, feeling like I am turning to stone.

I need to focus on the beautiful blooming flowers, Sunday drives and laying in bed with the windows open, the wind blowing, feeling the breeze.

Calling up my sister for the annual greenhouse hop, and laughs as we drive the countryside looking for the most perfect flowers that speak to us, that helps make it home.

Sticking our hands into the dirt, feeling in awe of the small miracle of growth, blooming and feeling how grounded it makes one.

Today, I choose to live for me, tomorrow may set me free, next week may be a dream and next year is always a reality. I will do my best to live in the moment and embrace the small details of life.

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” Alfred Lord Tennyson

Love always the ball throwing, dirt digging, Woman in Process

 

I Dunno

It’s another day, another dollar and after chatting with my bff, I am thinking are we all having the same week?

Everyone surprised, and looking at us a specific way, they all have the long weekend syndrome; too much turkey or stuffing, loss of focus and you are thinking am I talking to anyone.

It is hilarious, after the pile of paperwork I wanted to burn at work, just thinking about doing the taxes; I am rolling my eyes already and the one thing that kept me going was that puppy love.

She has been stressed some too, but think it is because she hurts a bit as she is growing so fast. Once my little girl who ended up with the nickname Smushy is full grown, she should be between 100-150 pounds. She will become a horse, my horse and I am sure she will take up more of the bed, thinking I may need a king.

I also think she had been feeling some of it from me. My shoulders creeping back up to my ears, my levels exploded and it was one long week; one I would not like to repeat.

So for the weekend I am determined to embrace looking for a butterfly with my dog, walking the trails and possibly seeing what else she would like to try for new adventures.

My beautiful 15.5 old boy, use to follow the butterflies, watching them, nose in air to them, being curious; it brings a tear to my eye and I believe an excellent adventure for my pup and I.

Tonight I am embracing my lazy side, with a movie, my husband, my chips and my dog. She is also thinking the same thing and is lights out already; see the photo above.

Mr. Jones and I celebrate our anniversary tomorrow; seems like yesterday we stood up and said our vows, but I believe both of us had less grey hair.

Today for our anniversary dinner we do what everyone does, have bacon and watch a Terminatior movie; I don’t need anything mushy as I find his comments are enough each day.

Tonight I will keep this exceptionally short and just remind you, “I’ll be back.”

“A strong marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Mignon McLaughlin

Love always the non thinking, Terminator loving, bacon eating, Woman in Process