I wait in line, there is probably twenty people ahead of me each one waiting to get their bib with their running number of it; from walking to 10km runs and I believe a 16 as well.
In January when I spent time journalling with my fellow java buddies, I decided I was starting back small and running a 5km race in spring.
The spring hit and then my destiny of the pup arrived and as she is growing and starting to really become more efficient on her own, I decided I should probably do my run; something for me.
As I stand in the line I am weaker today, not physically, but in the sense I am trying to hide myself. I just want to get in and out, and try to mentally prepare myself for the number of people.
The anxiety is already hitting some and I feel just scared, scared of being in a crowd, scared of running with others, scared of not having my security blanket, which is my pup.
Now ask me have I had much training lately? Not a lot, mind you I have been chasing after a young pup and that in itself of dodging baby teeth, trying to save my bras from becoming her next chew toy and the constant running back and forth in playtime has assisted me.
The walks we start turning into runs in the hills have been great and I am looking forward to when she has the stamina for us to run for a little longer at a time; but I will just enjoy the time I am in, as she is growing so fast and people are shocked when I say she is fifteen weeks old.
I spent some time watching each of the people in the line up and looking at all of their bodies. I gave my team this speech the other day on how we are all so unique by each of the differences in size to enable us to see everything that much different. It enables us to all have a different vision and outlook. How many times can I say different?
There are tall ones, short ones, stalky build, old, young, an endless variation of buffet of people. Each with just the desire to run and walk, to improve their health. When I started running again years ago…, my daughter told me people really don’t like it mum they would just like to eat their gourmet foods and have their wine. Amen! People after my own heart.
So I am curious, is there a run that can encompass all of that? A run, some scenery, some cheese, a little wine, or a lot depending on the day. This requires some review and I believe I may need to have wine to get into it all.
It rained some last night and it has a nice cool breeze for this morning. I will begin to prep myself soon to head over to the race area. I keep thinking of new starts.
I decided last night you wanted to do these races, just do it. Online I go and sign up for the next one end of the month and a 10km in September. I figured if I made the commitment this far out there is no excuse for me.
The wind is bustling and I am pretty sure I saw Pooh and Piglet blowing away! The morning wait of everyone to arrive, hustled to your spots and all of sudden they are like go! What! I’m not ready, I think. Yup, don’t think I ever would be.
Those that are running the 16km are in front and from there back, each section huddled together. Some biting to get going, kind of like the Kentucky Derby of running. It takes about fifteen minutes for my body to stop screaming at me and my mind yelling obscenities wondering what the hell I am doing this for.
One foot in front of the other and in no time I am getting a good pace and walking in between. As I come around a corner one girl is heading back in, I laugh, she is me twenty five or more years ago as I cruised through our time on a regular basis. I am impressed by her stamina, her youth and her ability. I hope she is grateful for that.
I also am quite impressed with the wide age ranges of people that were in the race. I saw one lady and am pretty sure she is in her seventies. Bravo my dear! You are someone I strive to be at that point.
I am in the zone, and as I run my mind takes off. I have my headphones in to block out the others around me and not hear their chatting.
At one point my emotions take over, I begin to cry. I begin to think of where I was months ago, where I am now, how I keep aiming to kick MS and PTSD asses. I get reflective for a while and it takes everything I have to hold myself back dropping down crying and saying thank you and then getting back up again, but I have a goal to run.
The last race I ran was four years ago and then my world kept changing, throwing those curve balls endlessly at me, life was too busy and this year I am signed up for three already.
As I get into the wind in the west I feel the force against me. I keep telling myself ok, you got this. You can complete it, come on, do it! The hill against the wind was a challenge and I chose to walk it and save my strength and stamina for the end. I also thought crap you should have brought your cane for emergencies, but I am stubborn.
I see that finish line and off I go, just as if the treadmill was on sprints and I throw everything into it. I finished the race at 42:09, my goal was 45. I am proud of myself. I feel a tad lighter, and still feel ready to drop down and finish the cry I was having earlier, but first I eat!
“One day I won’t be able to do this, it is not this day.”
Love always the toe tired, sweaty, Woman in Process
P.S in three weeks I do it again, let’s see what I can shave off.