You know the moment when you hit the boredom feeling that you cannot get up and do much else besides just sitting around. Would I love to run, yes, would I love to get out of the house, yes, but reality is, I am here for the weekend to just be, my soul requires it.
I ponder about reading but am limited in my sight. I ponder of the endless to do list and realize it’s okay, it won’t go anywhere, and I ponder on a future where I do not have to limit myself or feel guilty.
It is early and I struggled to sleep last night as the pup chose the floor area over the bed; she must be too warm but without her I cannot sleep. I have weird dreams, nightmares and hear the sounds and bumps of the house in the night and the neighbourhood.
Finally around three I begged her to come sleep with me; up she comes and snuggles onto the pillow beside me, I lay my head on her and am out. How did I become so attached? I do not want to go anywhere without her, as I feel confident and comfort with her. She has become my security blanket.
We sleep for the three hours and as I do not need to be awake for work hours, my body gets me up anyways. I am still tired and the house feels cool, up we go to start her day outside and then crawl into the recliners for our morning nap and maybe a little zen time watching life through the picture windows. She is snoring in minutes, her mediation excels on mine.
She is growing so fast and find she is exhausted in no time. While in the morning Mr. Jones says you can just see her grow day by day; her growth cycle is amazing and she still is holding on to the wrinkles around her smushy face.
Her calmness gives me a comfort, her love makes my heart explode and you can see how much she loves Mr. Jones and he her as he puts so much effort into her meals. She projects love all around her. It’s a word I have been teaching her so she can understand that moment of content, followed by a hug and a kiss.
As the sun has decided to play today we ventured on roadtrip adventure, headed west out of the city bypassing the potholes and just drove; drove until we hit all the little towns with their quaint and uniqueness touring them one by one. There we found a park and stopped to let the pup out and enjoy the grass that is cool, still covered in dew.
She lays calm, relaxed and smelling the dandelions one by one. I am in awe of her moment of peacefulness and am longing to have the same in my life. The roller coaster has hit the top and my body is bracing itself for the plunge.
I consider the screams that if I let out on a regular basis could offset that feeling and I laugh at myself; well for sure everyone will think I am crazier than I am.
I get down closer to her and as I ruffle her fur and sing the dandelion song, she takes me to a world of endless possibilities, calmness; a serene feeling as if I am sitting beside the trickling water listening to it and feeling the emotions and stress leave the body and drift down the stream; away, away from me, absolute solitude.
I stay there as long as possible, before the world comes rushing back and we decide to continue on the next adventure. I am working through what my life adventure looks like and I believe it is time to pull my vision boards out and see where I am. It has been just about six months; self exploration required.
Now I ask myself what are my dreams, has anything changed and how soon till I pack my bags and am ready for the mountains? I would tell you immediately. I am inspired by her understanding the dandelion. To us it is labelled as a weed, to her it was a flower; a bright yellow bouquet open for the day enjoying the rays of the sun.
I believe I need to look at all opportunities again in life and review those. I may have labelled them as weeds without paying true attention. They could be the actual bouquet welcoming you to opportunity. My eyes are open and I feel ready. I am grateful for even the hint of some beautiful flowers and some beautiful weeds, especially if my dog is enjoying the time with them and me.
The photo is my baby enjoying; after the evening of adventures, frolicks and some meal sharing; we settled in and watched the dandelions tell us it was time for them to retire for the evening and would see us in the morning.
“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.” A.A Milne
Love always the weed loving, solitude searching, Woman in Process