It’s five o clock rush hour and I look like another zombie on the first day of the week. As it was an early wake up and an early ending shift I decide I have time to complete a few errands that I had for the upcoming weekend and get a head start.
Driving along to the library to pay for the novel the pup had decided she enjoyed as well, my thoughts are all over the place. I could go here, no here. It’s too much and I realize it’s the tiredness coming through, I need to focus.
Off to the diy section I go in the library and start checking if there is anything new, what can I learn. With the internet at hand, it’s challenging at times, but to flip through the pages of a book, is pretty old school, maybe I will just call it retro reading.
Into my next favourite area I proceed, sliding my hands down the murder mystery books I think about the theory of each of the books I have read and ask myself, could I write a murder mystery? Immediately my inner voice says yes, and the plot starts to outline itself in my head.
A murder, and where would it take place? Who is involved? What would be my weapon of choice? What is the reasoning; a hundred ideas pass through my mind. As I bring myself back to reality, it’s time to head on to my next destination for paint for my project and then decide I need something cool to take home from 7-11, as it is 7/11 today.
Today would have marked my grandmothers birthday and the irony was all over the grassy area; Feathers laying everywhere, I know she is listening, so happy birthday grandma. я люблю тебя (I love you) it’s the first Russian words she taught me and I think of that day often and me with the mumble jumble sounds coming out trying to perfect it. I practiced it often and still do.
As I am thinking about her today, my emotions and I feel icky, hot, tired and the feelings of being a big menopausal and pmsing woman; I figure simplicity is best, no chocolate though today.
I have no desire to cook, and it’s a fend for myself kind of night. (I know Mr. Jones won’t mind). I know the food is not that appealing but in it’s own way it also serves the purpose and I enjoy dinner from the convienence store; taters and wings. A great combo to go with a beverage of choice; plus they truly are best when they are cold.
As I leave a dog is protecting its car from someone walking by and her and I jump back. In the distance as I watch the sun starting to go down, I giggle, six young teenaged men riding their bikes away with their slushies.
It’s the Goonies! I am sure they are not on an adventure of searching for treasure but I like to pretend they are and begin to write their story as I drive. Each of them on their bmx bikes laughing, talking and being together.
On the route home, I decide I will make sure I wear the wings off on an adventure walk in the neighbourhood with my pup. Tonight I will work on zoning in my day, dreaming and designing my murder tendencies. This could also mean losing myself later in a good book.
The next two days pass in a whirlwind, attending a class, my brain is mush after and I am trying to focus on another avenue; it is truly challenging.
So today I am going to put myself into an adventure movie, decide what I would like the ending to be and see how I can maneuver through the challenges without breaking a sweat and reap the victory. I will be working on the manifestation of all the good things I choose that I would like to come into my life.
I swear by mantras and use them often to harness the energy and thoughts together, now I really need to bump it up to the next level. Some days I am amazing on it and then that one day and one thought takes everything down the slump and I smack myself in the face.
How do you manifest? How do you keep yourself focused without the nasty self critic deciding to input their whole theory and you end up declining in your success?
When I was in high school, I played basketball, it was my favourite sport. At just about 5″6 (I could jump high) I played centre and forward positions normally. Our coach at the time would work with us visualizing what we wanted; close your eyes, see yourself dribble better, she had us concentrate on making the points and watching ourselves be successful. Now your asking did we win many games? Nope not a lot, hardly any, but I could score some excellent shots and found a new way each day to practice.
I used it emencely in my life then and continued to do it for every sport I wanted, to get the jobs I wanted and life in general. Somewhere along the line I forgot, and went into the working coma of the living dead, get up, shower, brush teeth, complete work day, go home, have supper, bed and then start again.
This is part of why I started working on small tasks as well for my calendar. Every day was turning into the same. Every day I could not remember anything significant. I was drifting along the river without taking the paddle and guiding where I wanted to go. Did I know where I wanted to go? You can see certain avenues of my life at this time that I am repairing because I had no major input, I chose to drift.
I didn’t have the ability for so long because I had no will, no will to keep going for a while, no will to make a difference, no will to be part of my own life. I know, I am not alone. I can see the looks on others faces at times that I think they are on the same program I am, the work till I die program.
Yet knowing there is more for me, knowing I can work on seeing the great things I want to happen in my head and being grateful for them; working on developing my future through my own thoughts, I think I will change the original program and start paddling.
Today I am asking you what do you want from your life? Do you want to guide it or watch it drift by? Today I will be a Goonie and my adventure will end with success.
As always have a great hump day and share your mantras, I would love to learn them.
Love the visualizing, burying my self critic with a shovel, Woman in Process