It was a two cookie night! Reality is it could have been more than two cookies (homemade, chocolate chip with extra chocolate), but there was some restraint and I needed to leave one or two for Mr. Jones.
My restraint, still made me look as if, I had channeled my inner Cookie Monster and demolished the cookies and scoured the entire room for crumbs. Nothing remained, no crumbs, no morsel or bite.
Yesterday, was a busy and high energy day, thus today I could crawl under a rock and hide and cry. After days like yesterday, I always tell Mr. Jones, some days it is hard being me, (I always laugh but he understands, I have high expectations of myself) I just feel as though I expend so much energy and then have to work my way back up the cliff trudging along, my smile pasted on until I strive to hit the next high note.
It prompts a long conversation and Mr. Jones tells me he understands, he says I set the bar too high for myself and he can understand how challenging it is to live up to it each day, I remind him it is the battle of my inner critic, who antagonizes me to keep adding the bar up another notch.
I am so appreciative of him, listening to me, hearing me, and then not worrying as I talk to myself, to knock it off and pull myself together; to stop complaining. Life is good.
Some days I do set the bar up, but that’s because I expect to give all of myself, not just twenty five percent or fifty. I want to ensure I do a job worthy, I want to put my heart into the task; there is a price to pay for that physically and mentally at times. We need to embrace downtime, whatever that may be.
It is one avenue I am embracing, I will have my down, cookie eating, nothing is safe kind of days then I will (kick, scream and fight) work at picking myself up, cut out the cookies (or at least decrease them) and make sure I run, walk, chase the dog and find that one beautiful sight that expresses love and soul that speaks to me.
I need to embrace the fact, that I do need to have these days, we all do, we need them to know the difference between each day, the positives, the negatives and the gratefulness of the wonderful messes that surround us. Life is truly messy on some days, and we need to let ourselves have permission to color outside the lines, stay up late, and eat in bed.
It gives us an opportunity to improve ourselves, challenge ourselves and love ourselves just the way we are, the messiness, the scatterness we may feel, the darkness, the days we need to feel sad and helpless and choose to eat the whole package of cookies or two. Please pass the Oreos.
So today, my blog is short so I can see what else I may demolish(I know there are no chips, sigh) and have a complete and lazy evening of nothing, because that is what I need, that is my downtime, my zoned out, tuning it all off evening.
Embrace the darkness to get through to the light. My darkness is even willing to share a cookie with you. Don’t tell Mr. Jones, this way he can go into the rendition of “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar” in the morning. I haven’t heard that one for a bit.
Today, I was presented with this famous line from William Blake, it is one of my favorites, today, I believe it was the focus of what I found beautiful and am grateful for.
Love always the cookie eating, demolishing, I have hope, Woman in Process
P.S I prefer the golden Oreos now, it all stems from having to dress up as an Oreo for grade seven initiation, who makes the big boned girl (chunky) be a cookie. It was not a highlighted moment for me, but I made it through and had good hair on that day; not my frizzy doo.