I know you are starting to sing it in your head. “I want to scream and shout and let it all out.”
I sing this often especially when it feels as though things are tough, but today there was a new method to my madness. I dusted off my games and set it up on the Xbox to play Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Yup an oldie! We had bought it for the girl to play on the original one and I have not played it, until today.
It is the day, with my controller in hand, I beat the pulp out of the skeletons and roared, over over with many profanities. It brings out my aggression but I can kick some ass and mediatate after, to take me down from my serial killer tendencies. Yes I really said that, you know we all posess some traits.
I beat on the skeletons, I yelled, I swore, my hands ache from squeezing the controller so hard and I feel so much better. I am big on letting your inner anger out. When my daughter was younger and had a build up, she used her damn it doll and then felt better. Nothing has changed, when I would beat up on the dummy at boxing, I felt relieved. Aggressive sports, bring out my cave woman style and I will clobber something with my club.
I am picturing myself in my fur, barefoot and grunting, it’s not a pretty sight, but one fairly funny visual. We all have an underlying temperament that once in a while we need to let it loose, on something that is fun, or does not cause harm.
I would like to go try the paint guns and see how much fun that is. Just saying I will ensure, I am dressed like Rambo for that day.
Mr. Jones was laughing at my slur of obscenities and how I mushed them together. He comments, apparently you need to do this more often. I feel spent, as I cancel the game, I have had enough; the Ghoulie laughs at me and the dog’s head pops up looking around. This game made my afternoon.
Life is about enjoying so many things, and some days we go through the constant motions without taking it in. I have lost some years of my life to this, due to the MS and the PTSD. It soaked everything out of me, like wringing out a cloth and now I feel, as though there is some life there, I don’t feel as limp.
Let us hope it is not alien life, as that’s a whole other blog, but a new life, one I am trying to be conscious of every day. I have always wondered when people said they were reborn after rehab or some major life altering situation, what did they truly mean? I think I get it.
As I armed the kitchen with sliced vegetables, cheeses and meats not to mention all the sauces; I am cutting and working myself into my old routine. The one where all the kids and friends were coming for dinner. It is one of our hottest days of the year, but after a good meal; homemade pizza, use Guinness for the dough as it makes it amazing; and some laughter out on the deck, my physical and mental state is spent and I sack out for a full night sleep, something that does not happen often. I feel content and wake up smiling for another day to begin.
While soaking it all in this morning, I know how blessed I was yesterday, I just don’t think they know how much it meant to me; so for this year, another goal is to make more time for family time, even with the distance between everyone. Life is changing, but I think it’s finally changing for the good now, or maybe it was to make sure I saw all the wonderful things around me? That I will never be sure on the reason, but know it’s one stepping stone to greatness.
Love always, the pizza making, where’s my chef hat, marshmallow throwing, Woman in Process
P.S the marshmallow story is quite funny, the looks on everyone’s face was the real priceless moment.
My recipe for the dough, says one cup Guinness, but when it’s hot, it’s more like one and a half to two cups. Apparently it was thirsty too!