I finally slept! First time in a week! I felt as though the Angel’s harps were playing as I arise and begin my day with a lightness to life. It’s glorious and I am grateful to finally feel like this.
As I put on my favourite Beetlejuice outfit, black and white, with an orange jacket and my witch shoes; I am excited to head in, feeling great, ready to take on the day. I rock out in Mrs. Toad’s Wild Ride, (yes, my car is named) with the music loud and heavy, it matches how I have been feeling.
I pull into my destination, the base shaking my body, my head nodding to the beat and feeling as though I can accomplish anything! Uhhh, I spoke to soon. I was feeling, the only word I can think of is sassy; that intense combination of attitude, sharpness, brain on overdrive and the wit of sharp comments.
It kept progressing through the day, but the sharpness of the sassy, began to take over. I began to question where was Mars? I know you think, what? I have been reading up on my sign and how the travelling in and out of Mars, the moons and the alignment impact me. As I read this book for the first time, I really had an open eye and could see the past, the future and the current, drawn out perfectly to how I function. It was a knowledge I only dabbled in before, I am now tuning in to it more to decipher myself.
Anyways, I had issues and crap hit the fan, like everyday life, the catch I kept my sassy to a select few and did not handle any issues directly. I was worried what may come out, or me telling someone I will turn them into a toad, wouldn’t be professional; even though I was thinking it still.
I had spunk, spirit and was alive. I feel this passion inside me like I want to explode! You know the feeling you get when you see a new puppy, and you could just eat them up, not literally! You have this intenseness of love, cuteness, overwhelmingness? That is how I feel so much lately. I have a sharper smile, almost scary, I have this rumble and growl about me and I feel empowered.
The next day was a therapy session and at one point something that took place kind of put me into a different element. It impacted me, but also impacted me differently. I was able to recognize, how I am taking back my independence, (words from a friend) and am going to stretch the next session longer in between.
I am feeling even more like I don’t have to have my training wheels on, I can hold myself up, I don’t need the skating guide, I can flip and turn and twist. I think I may be in a state that I can keep going more on my own, I may be ready for my solo performance. Maybe, I have been ready for a while and this was the push or moment for me to see it.
I’m sure I will require an oil change or tune up at times, but I am starting to see myself functioning so much more. I have creativity exercises consistently, I keep working on crafts, home improvements and am taking things to a new level of love.
The things I normally wish I would say to people, I do, and I see a new surprise from those when I do. I am being me. Good old, not too old, sarcastic, dry, belly laughing, wacky faces, dance off, crazy person that I am. I am being the real version of her. It feels pretty damn awesome, and I know there may be bricks that I stumble over at times (especially if the pup keeps dragging them out of my gardens for toys), but to get this far, when I thought my life was done, feels pretty great.
I do not know what the next few months will hold for me, I only know I can help be the director in my own life.
After a quick overnight trip away from home, (the pup stayed behind with a babysitter; the middle daughter, I didn’t cry when I left her this time, so awesome!) of football, screaming my aggression out to the field, and the loud, “Hit him!” as they try to take down the quarterback. I took in so many moments of awe.
Awe of being in a stadium of 36000 people there, when months ago I couldn’t go out to the grocery store, accepting a compliment from a stranger and also passing one along, when before I would freeze up or feel overwhelmed. These are just a couple of the strides that have impacted my life from the journey I had begun.
So here is to, the next few months, may they hold continuous learning, growth and passion.
Love always the horse sounding, beaming, Woman in Process
P.S I finally finished the first podcast series of book 1; of My Dad Wrote a Porno; my face was hurting I was laughing so hard; tears running, coughing, spewing my drink out when something caught me off guard, it was hilarious! Maybe I shouldn’t have been driving, but it made the hours for the trip pass. You must check it out!
You will never see things the same way again!