The trumpet is blasting and the Christmas carols are filling the living room. My undecorated tree is in the corner as the pup gets accustomed to it, waiting for the girl to arrive home so we can spend the season together and embellish the greenery with the endless ornaments we have from the places we have seen. I sound like I could start into the Dr. Seuss rhymes.
My nose is in my new book I received and my head is shaking, I am in spiritual awe. I decided to be adventuresome and join a book exchange for Christmas. I though what the heck, what do I have to lose. You send someone a favourite new book that you fell in love with and then you, as well, receive from others. When the package arrived I had no idea what it was, as I forgot all about it. All the other Christmas parcels had arrived and were tucked under my bed. Don’t tell Mr. Jones!
I rip off the brown paper and there is a book I have never read, The Alchemist. I had heard it mentioned once, but had no idea what it was about. As I was off work for a few holiday days and sick days, I took my book to the bathtub and started reading, this became my daily ritual, (hello large water bill, I welcome you).
I couldn’t put it down! I realized it was a sign, the sign. I had been asking questions on so many levels of my progress and looking for the signs on the next direction. In some ways I felt the signs had dried up, or maybe I was not dialed in enough, I felt frustrated some but realized it was me.
This was the sign, I had been waiting for, from the past few weeks. I believe my journey of the challenges, illness and craziness of work was part of the actual journey, for me to really bring back the refocus on me. I knew what was taking place inside at my heart, but I just didn’t think I did in my head. It was one small fragment, and I wanted more of the new life, the new path, the new story. My ending is not written yet and I am hoping it has a longer journey of discovery and lessons.
Each time I picked up the book, I lost myself in it, embraced the journey in the story, the details, the feeling of despair, sadness and enlightenment. I was bringing back that lesson from last year. One year ago, during boot camp sessions in therapy, of having faith, paying attention and letting my heart guide me, I picked up my life with a new gratitude and started digging. Some days with great encouragement, other days with sorrow and pain.
Each day is different and one item can send me back, but I find I have learned more on how to hang on and as the hand is pushing me down, I have my rope tied off and am still going with much more force. Did I mention my muscle mass has improved as well? Insert me flexing right now and then heading over to see if there is anything good to munch on in the kitchen.
Okay back to this book. I felt even more inspired, each day that I read it was as if that specific passage was written for me on that day. I began to watch again, listen and see the signs. It was as if they were now flashing their neon lights saying, hey you, we have been here waiting, it’s about time you are paying attention.
I completed the book in a couple days and my skin was pruned from each tub. The last day as I was focusing on the last lesson, my focus became more clear. I’m thinking I may reread it again in a month to see if I pick up another area of attention. If you haven’t read it, you may enjoy it, and if you have what did you learn about yourself?
Now I am onto a spooktacular book from a friend and am excited to begin it. Nothing is better than a new book, opening that first page and feeling smart at that time. Just for reference, Homer is now singing s-m-r-t in my head and I laugh every time he does. Yes my mind is still young, just the vessel is aging, I like to hope like fine wine but not stinky cheese!
We have packed up our bags and headed to the farm for a couple days of visits and it’s always nice to get away from the city. As the sun has settled into bed and I take the pup out, I am trying to walk her around in the dark. I feel like Nancy Drew with my flashlight in hand and the banging and clanging of things around us, scaring me.
Nancy though I’m sure didn’t pee herself some, as she is jumping out of her own skin scared from the sounds, the blackness and the unknown, is there an animal right in front of me? My nerves are working overtime as we head for the big yard light to comfort our beating hearts. Even the pup jumped a few times and her nose was up in the air picking up the smells of those in the bush.
Into the house we run, and keep ourselves close to the front area after that. I still remember the same feeling as a kid and being scared at night, yet the day was so calm, and quaint. At least we did manage earlier to take in the abundance of stars in the blackness and at that moment as the wind is blowing, the stars so far away, you realize how you, your family, is just a tiny molecule in this huge universe.
I text Mr. Jones and immediately he sends the Calvin and Hobbs cartoon. It is always fitting. It makes me smile, but also gives me so much perspective as I stand underneath them pondering my life, my dreams, my direction. The wind gusts dancing across my face, as I look up and see a shooting star. I have not had the opportunity to see the stars really well in a long time.
The pup is so unsettled as she is not use to the vastness, the house, the smells and it takes many trips outside before she can stop smelling every piece of ground. I decided if I was out there, I would just look up and that’s what I did, I starred into it all.
The sun is now working its way up over the endless trees around the farm and I’m going to go sit in the window and escape to another dream.
Wishing you a lovely day of uniqueness.
Love from a small speck in the universe, the Woman in Process
P.S I know you are wondering what book did I send? The Diary of Anne Frank, one that makes me cry every time I read it.