True Love

I have to tell you I write on my phone or as the Bend & Snap girl says (when she made a cameo on  Friends) my mobile and you know I am doing the voice. I cannot find my drafts to pull them into the light and add to space, so I dust the computer off, reset the passwords, swear a little (a lot) and find fourteen blogs in limbo land. Mother of pearl! I should rethink my method of madness. I am cackling here.

Once I was back to work from the work excursion and the flights, life became hectic. I’m in a customer service job and we are noticing the economy and the hopefulness change around us.  People are beginning to feel less burdened and seem to be making steps to come back to their regular activities and living again.

When the economy changes you see so much depression, hardships on people and it is a waiting game, waiting till it ends or the news tells us so and then everyone changes. There is a new buzz in the air, like the feeling of Spring. (Spring is still a ways away here, with all this snow.)

Last year each of the workers at Mr. Jones work had to take a month off unpaid and we saw rolled back wages. We were still grateful as he was one of the lucky ones. For me, it was to keep squeezing and pinching in the job and cover hours till the economy came back; now we see it, but we are still pinching to help us go forward, to be cautious.

This is one of the many cycles of life and sometimes you get to see what you are made of during those challenges. As anyone does, we think we can’t make it, we scream why me? We cry, we hit our pillows and then we have faith and the world seems more colorful, our optimism returns.

We stripped as much as we could in our daily and monthly expenses and just kept looking at options. It was a start, but when one is focusing on their mental health and working on adapting, some things had to slide and get picked up later, some things were many years in the making and we needed to make some changes.

This was one avenue or ball I let dip for some time. I believe my financial adviser and doctor have seen me more in a month and a bit, than over the past few years. I am working on balancing this part of my life. Just as we worked on my mental health we stripped every aspect of the financial down and are rebuilding, refocusing and putting goals in place.

This one was a tough one, as I have very bad trust issues, so to sit down with someone and even say here is where my financial is and originally where it was, was challenging. I took a deep breath and did it, like pulling off a band-aid. This person worked their butt off and helped us get into a much better position in only a couple weeks. The goals we have of more house renovations are not a dream, the financial security we know we can grow is wonderful!

Now for the next change: I am a shopper for clothes, this comes from being young and not having clothes that fit, outgrowing them and cutting open my favorite shoes, as my feet were getting to big. I really loved those sneakers. (I teared here, I even had colored laces in them).

My first job I bought clothes at every payday and began to fill my closet and then came the accessorizing. I was so happy to have something that I didn’t feel like I was holding my breath in or have pins holding it together.  I became a regular clothes and shoe shopper, but I do wear them all, from regular non branded clothes to brand names. I am a clothes hog.

This is one of my weaknesses. I am afraid I won’t have anything one day and be back to those moments of trying to hide in clothes that do not fit;  funny how I can’t seem to let that go. Maybe this is an avenue I work on for this year. I know that life is so much more than what we have, what we wear, it’s the goodness of our soul wanting to help, so if I do it in Old Navy or Kate Spade no one is going to care, it’s just me. Oh and just for reference I never buy a full price, I always get a good deal buying either. Let us talk about the pants I found on clearance for $1.97!

Anyways, when Mr. Jones first met me he also saw my pantry and was like are you stocking up for the apocalypse? He didn’t run. Cans on top of cans, stocked and categorized in my pantry. I was afraid of not having food or running out.

He kept reassuring me and it has taken me twenty one years with him of helping me work on decreasing how much I buy when I shop and now I’m okay to just pick up a few things. Sometimes I do panic when I see the pantry doesn’t have canned food in it, and he laughs and says okay we will get a few cans, as he understands it all to well. Maybe this year I focus my canned food habit and stock someone else’s pantry. The soup kitchen is just a few blocks away, and I know they can use it.

The doctor, we are in some ways starting where we left off, besides he is new to me, another change. Picking up each issue and saying oh right, blah blah blah. I am big on not having drugs put into my body, as it does not respond well, (insert the worst theatrical death scene, that is my body as I gag to take anything) I am determined to keep lifestyle a big aspect and have found lately a new determination with that.

I am a bit of a zombie looking creature these days but that is not by choice. My left eye blood vessels keep breaking (monthly), and I look as if someone took a red crayon and colored outside the lines. When you are trying not to let anyone see it, it truly is like the big mole Austin Powers keeps talking about.

At Starbucks the poor lady couldn’t look away from my bleeding eye and became nervous and was fumbling. People stare, clients go into the “Omg what happened?” Just saying I have made up some great stories and laughed at the end so they knew I was kidding.

I am having fun with it, as there is nothing I can do right now, but they are working on all my tests. I’m kind of like meh to it now, because I feel it’s just another medical hurdle; did I mention I was a hurdle jumper in school? Oops and then there was the accident, oh well,  I will be over it soon, just have faith.

This week brings upon us the season of love, I have to wonder who thought up to have a day celebrating it, because I see it daily. From dealing with financial goodies, years of medical issues, children and the stickiness of life, Mr. Jones is always there. He is the constant on the changes of life and the challenges.

This week he was adventuresome and went for the first time to a couples massage, I believe I have him converted as he has never gone out for a massage. (His daughter became a massage therapist and he has had one massage, in his life!) He said he had lots of anxiety, but now I’m like, shall I book again? Yes please! He will be a spa junkie for massages like the rest of the famjam. Wishing you a week and year of love with your significant other, in all the stickiness.

Love always the red eyeballed, cliff note writing, Woman in Process

P.S. I know you probably want to see it, but the picture is trapped on the mobile and I guess it is time to update my vintage hand crank computer version or at least add a new hamster to it.

Okay, I was able to add the awful train wreck picture of the eye.

Desperately needing eye cream! Please send!



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