It was an early morning wakeup as I trudged away on some courses for work I am trying to complete. They are very good, I just seem to have too many in my brain, and my head is trying to grow larger (hopefully not too large or my new hats won’t fit) and it is not succeeding; it feels as though it may explode.
I aim for a break and heat my tub up, and of course the smarty pants in me decides one more course, (I have set the computer on a stand outside my tub, so much for relaxing) I instantly freeze every time it says now time for a quiz. I know the answers and show people when asked but as soon as it is called a quiz or test, my knees get weak and I feel the need to pass out. Wonder how many other people are like this?
I finish the test, after I have gotten click happy with the computer and it goes to the next page; the comments come from my mouth, “crap I knew that”, and finally I passed. Now I take a breath and determine how many more I have to complete and how I need them done asap for my own sanity. It is stressful, maybe I should have a glass of wine.
I am my own enemy when it comes to this at times; deer in the deadlights look, fear and then the instant feeling I want to run away. You would think by now I could run a 5km in 20 minutes at the rate I could go, but let us be realistic (Spook is saying I stopped at a bakery along the way, I am a fine bread connoisseur, wine cheese, ok just about anything!)
Ok finish my writing then another course or two.
I had commented to Mr. Jones the other day, that I never got to the store to get him a card and I had full plans to buy a new scotch for him, but my timing this week, went whoosh. The week was gone, I am exhausted and I am thinking did I get everything completed? It is not like I am curing any disease so I think it is good enough and I need to remind myself to not step back into old habits, as it creates more anxiety within me.
He responds with how some made up holiday does not make it that I need to go get him anything for one day a year, when he spends every day loving me. Yup, he is pretty good, so instead we opted for breakfast at home (even better, he cooked) a stroll through the park and a heart shaped pizza, this afternoon. Sounds great to me. Wonder if there is a petite fancy coffee in that plan as well?
Then my plans are to head to my new little space, the studio (also referred to as the spare room) to continue working on my painting. Yesterday, we started on the acrylic painting class and I am so in love. I came home, started another one to work on building colours and see if my thoughts can go onto the canvas, realizing the endless possibilities.
The world and everything in it, is the original great arts, it is the start of chapter one. I think I will plan my trip to the mountains and see how this changes my perception.
I then began to think of all the people in our family on both sides who painted and loved it. We have artwork around the house, at the homestead and I remember them working away getting into the zone; I understand this zone so much now.
It doesn’t take long before I am yawning, breathing is relaxed and I feel released. Released from any pressures, just the ones in my mind that hold me hostage at times and they will be what I aim to work on putting on the canvas to send away.
As it is Valentines day, I am sending you a wonderful painting from my thoughts; on a black canvas, of floating red and pink hearts to share my love with you. I wish you a day of contentment, no personal pressures (no tests), no society pressures, just love from one human being to another, followed with a hug.
My Rag-doll kitty beside me is sending nose rubs. He is all over me, saying pet me, love me, hug me; one maul to him and he settles down for his nap. Spook shares her love and mentions if you would like Cupid taken care of, drop her a line, she is willing to change him into anything else.
“Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.” C.S. Lewis
Love always from the test challenged, heart hugging, kitty lover, Woman in Process